Oct 172011
 

Dear Dr. Pepper, ABC, Miller Lite, and others,

I am a man. I enjoy many of the things that men stereotypically like, such as movies with big explosions, automobile racing, and sports where large men hit other large men very hard. I mention this because many of you seem to think that I am constantly questioning my manhood, and that I crave your reassurances that your various products will enhance my manliness.

As a single man with a decent amount of disposable income, I’m the kind of person you want to sell to in these difficult economic times. So, I understand your desire to market to me, and I’d like to help you out, but you see, I’m not that worried about how manly I am. Moreover, I don’t believe that being a man requires me to be a misogynist, homophobe, or jerk, much less that my manhood depends on drinking a particular brand of light beer or driving a particular vehicle.

The curious thing about manhood is that once you actually are a man, you don’t worry about how manly you appear. Manliness is confidence, you see, and if you’re obsessing over whether you’re manly enough, you are a boy.

You might want to think carefully about that, because real men dislike being talked down to.

Sincerely,

Sparky